High Summoner Yuna's Journal

So much has happened...
I was informed that I was to use this journal as I liked; well, here I am, writing in it. I don't expect replies or comments; I'm simply feeling my way around.

You see, things are so dark right now. I might as well be blindfolded, I can find my way just as easily as anyone with bad eyesight can. I'm sure it's temporary; these things usually are, are they not? But that doesn't make it any less worrisome. I simply hope it doesn't affect my friends and loved ones.

For so much of my recent blindness involves them; I've seen so much hurt and heartache, I can't bear to see any more of that hit so close to home. Wakka and Lulu are on civil terms, but I still worry for their little one, and how he'll adapt to such a situation. There's Gippal, and Wakka and poor Tidus, who were somehow sucked into another world entirely for several weeks before they were recovered- thank goodness, they were all in one piece.

But that line of thought brings me to another point... Tidus.

There are several things that come to mind when I think of him. First is that some part of me doesn't quite believe he's back yet, even though it's been a few months since he returned to us from.. from... where do dreams go when their dreamers are Sent? Another topic for another day, I suppose. But the point is that he did come back... And while I'm forever grateful that this was possible, I can't help but wonder why.

That Fayth down in the Farplane... he was so vague about his explanations. I can barely remember that as it is; everything was so rushed, so desperate in an attempt to help Spira. Maybe it's simply a case of how everything must go somewhere; dreams can't simply disappear entirely, especially if they're remembered and experienced by others. The Sent can't simply disappear, either; after all, we Send them off to the Farplane, along with any Sinspawn.

But I'm beginning to ramble. The point of this is I'm wondering what the Fayth- or Spira- will hit us all with next. I am no longer accustomed to the quiet life; a lifetime of traveling, of expecting not to wake up the following morning, and having my faith in a world-renowned belief shattered... well, it does things to you, I've realized. One such thing being a sort of paranoia; being unable to entirely relax regardless of the situation.

Perhaps that is the change everyone sees in me; I'm no adventurer, after all. I simply seek trouble out before it can grow into Sin-like proportions and seek me- or, worse, my dearly loved ones- out to wreak further destruction.

Speaking of dearly loved ones and people returning, I have not only had Tidus returned to me, but my own father, Lord Braska, as well as his guardians Sir Auron and Sir Jecht. I'm... still not certain what to make of this. Regardless of my faith (or lack thereof), there is a certain expectation still that when one is Sent, one remains Sent. Now, there obviously have been undead in my past- such as Seymour, among others- but father defeated Sin ten years before my time, and was Sent to the Farplane.

And yet somehow, out of nowhere, a man appears from another world who has the ability to grant life.

This... does not settle well with me. I am not saying that I am not ecstatic to have my father back in my life again- not to mention Sir Auron, who has always been a wonderful guide, and Sir Jecht, who made me laugh so much when I was a child- but... Something has to give. There is payment for everything in this world, I've learned.

Paranoia for saving the world. Death for life. Pain and suffering for the Calm. Tidus' existence for the Eternal Calm... though that debt, too, seems to have been altered unexpectedly...

There is no reason to believe this will be any different.

Listen to me, brooding along like this; what will people think? I'll leave things here and maybe return another time. For now, however, I'm going to get some rest so that Rikku and Paine won't tease me about bags under my eyes again.

Current Mood: confused